isn't something missing

I don't remember my last dream.
my brain is fatigue.
my back is aching.
causing severe heart failure.

so i watched football to feel the thrill.
to make my heart beats faster.
i'm taking pills to fall asleep.
i tried to drink away my sorrow.

still there is something.
running through my vein.
causing toxicity all over my body.
sucking my calcium away.

i am mentally disturbed.
physically unhealthy.
faking my expression.
speaking my own language.



i couldn't be more expressive.
i could love you yesterday.
hate you today.
and feeling numb tomorrow.

Just missed the train

i have became very boring and ordinary... yes i was boring before, but in a very weird way, or abnormal way.
but now, i feel so f normal.
normal.
normal.
boring.
ordinary.

i know you can feel that too.
only a man can make a woman feel normal. or natural. or whatever natural woman you make me feel.

My story

i have made this post in my previous blog last year. and now i feel like doing it all over again. This is my story

THE STORY - BRANDI CARLILE

All of these lines across my face, Tell you the story of who I am

So many stories of where I've been And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything When you've got no one to tell them to

It's true, I was made for you

----------------------------------

I climbed across the mountain tops

Swam all across the ocean blue

I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules

But baby I broke them all for you

because even when I was flat broke

You made me feel like a million bucks

You do and I was made for you

-------------------------------------

You see the smile that's on my mouth It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed They don't know my head is a mess

No they don't know who I really am And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

It's true , I was made for you

Digame, tell me so

On the ground
With my world upside-down
I got a vision of your face
And I must get me out
For so many memories we've yet to make
Anna nalick

Anna nalick wrote this song after getting involved in a car crash and the first thing she thinks of is him. and shes hoping she gets out because she wants more time with him. what a beautiful song. especially the part where she added the spanish word "digame" in the middle of english song which means "speak to me"

what i feel right now is:

This is not love.
this is not lust.

this is friendship.
this is more than it.

this is fatal physical attraction.
this is complicated chemical reaction.

this is the person who makes me laugh.
this is the person who makes me make other people laugh.

this is the person who makes other people think i have changed.
this is the person who drives me crazy, funny and cute.

and that's what 5 of my friends told me. and cute here means ugly but adorable in dictionary.haha. i have completely changed because of you. but i don't think it's even love. help me. am i denying?

p/s- I know this friendship is not forever as you will settle down with your life partner, but you are my best friend that i'll ever have.

darker conversation

i cannot describe this feeling. it comes in package.

annoying and cute.
bitter and sweet.

tears and smile.
feeling near and feeling miles.

angry and happy.
feeling girlish and feeling manly.

forgive and forget.
teasing and get mad.

enemy and mate.
love and hate.

p/s-i need an advise, a sweet consolation.

this is so grey's anatomy

I am so tired and fatigue.

I need weekend. I need to sleep

I need to write, to express, to talk.

I need my punching bag.

I fell asleep while walking, and I stumble and fall.

Instead of having bleeding knee, my hand was bleeding for holding on too long.

I fell asleep while watching football which is so ridiculous. I used to wake up 3-4am in the morning to watch football and i can stand 2 long hours.

I just turned 23 7 days ago, but I already feel like 50.

I am so tired and fatigue.

Mary and her dark secret

Mary had a lamb,
His eyes black as coals,
If we play very quiet, my lamb,
Mary never has to know
evanescence-lose control

Sometimes,we don't have to tell or more annoyingly way "announce" what we have to everyone.
my own mind said, relationship is private. which is sweeter because it came with trust.
you trust your significant other not to cheat, without making it all public. there's always intruders and the third person, but you trust him/her enough.
it shows that you feel secure with your relationship if you make it private.

secrets, dark and mysterious are sexy. just like angelina jolie and johnny depp. and kristen stewart's relationship.lol

and the fact that only the two of us knew it..is..AMAZING.
sometimes we don't have to put it into words. stare is enough. understandable.
the suspicious feelings of others make us feel like rockstars. (get your fake-ass face away from us, paparazzi!cewahh)
when they don't have a clue, it shows that we are smart and professional.
we don't let our relationship mix up with other things.
we are not that clingy.
we are cool.

cause i believe that trust is the strongest love of all.

you let the poetry out of me

you make a stupid joke
i make a crooked mock

you treat me like a baby
when i'm as tough as your money

you make a funny face
and your image linger in my gaze

you unawkward me
and i feel so free

you are bonded somewhere
and i feel you everywhere

you look so green,
but you are so mean

i love your word
you make me hurt

why do you left your picture in my car?
have you ever seen my scar?

why do you wanna play with my heart?
when you are someone else's part?

all i want to say is fuck you a million times
when you are away a million miles