Fixing the broken thing

Dear Mr. Surgeon

I give you my believe. i sign the agreement and let you have the scalpel to my heart. i believe in you. but why did you provide me with the polluted oxygen. now i cannot breathe. my blood is lack of oxygen. my heart cannot pump my blood and cannot reach my brain. and if it happens for another 5 minutes, my brain is going to be dead.

Dear Mr. Surgeon

why at the first place you offer me the medical help? why did you tell me that you're full of experiences? or is it the experience of failure operation?

Dear Mr. Surgeon

after you cut me open with your scalpel, you close me down with hundreds of ugly stitches. you are not as graceful as when you cut me open. and you told all my people that i have no hope of living. i am brain dead. and they have to let me go. can't you see that i'm listening?

Dear Mr. Surgeon

Can't you see that i'm trying to cry so much so you could see my tears? BUT I CAN'T! i gave the access to my heart, you broke it, and left me heartless. i cannot even cry or smile.

Dear Mr. Surgeon

Please mend me. fix me. you can go to your medical school back. and break the hearts of all your experimental pigs. then, after you learn not to break a human's heart, you can come back to me. and fix me. i'll wait. even i have to wait for another 10 years. i'll wait. even when i am brain dead and heartless. i'll be waiting.

cause i can only give my heart once.

Please don't Stop!

The person that invented the phrase "Happily ever after" should have his ass kicked, so hard! - Meredith Grey

yes i believe that too
but for now, i want to enjoy the interference of you in my life
we met at the life junction
but you have to follow your own destination
cause somebody's waiting at the dead end
and i, still stuck in the decision
whether to follow you and stick with my believe
either way somebody's heart will be breaking
and i rather it to be my heart than any other person
so i follow my believable destination road
and let meredith's words come true
but how come i forget you when you keep entering my sub-conscious?
please don't let me be any grey...
lexie or meredith, both are just too twisted for me.
and i guess my heart is beating in my brain again

let me be callie torres, and find arizona robins

p/s- do you hear me, freak!

somos novios

llamame

textame

digame

escuchame

estudiame

elígeme

escógeme

amame

p/s- i fake my preference so you won't notice that you are what i prefer...

HAPPY RAMADHAN :), welcoming my love

Build, Break and Fix

Sorry, but can i write something about myself?i know it will annoy you.Sorry again. lo siento,por favor

i was at a shopping mall with my friend. while my friend going somewhere, i went to the shopping mall directory and search for something somewhere. they were 2 people in front of me and 1 besides me. even when the two people moved away, i still couldn't find the thing i'm looking for. suddenly i feel the person besides me is kind of familiar. just feel.without looking. but i don't have the gut to turn around and look at it's face. so i went 10 meters away, hiding behind a pole, and peek on it (just like a cartoon character.imagine..). omg, it is really that alien. no.. not really, but yes. a 50-50 confirmation. it might be wrong because it is wrong and it might be true because my brain said so. it's the mind set. so i waited until it's gone. and go back to the directory. and this alien, is the catalyst of every mess that i've made.

So I'm taking these pills for to fill up my soul
And I'm smoking them down with cheap cigarette
And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that I'm making
But you, you're the catalyst
edited version from anna nalick's catalist

for 7 years i've imagine this alien came into my life in every possible form. but each time, it disappointed me. so i stopped. last year. i moved on. i became numb and heartless, for waiting for this alien for too long. and the alien came again when i am completely over it. at least i thought so. now i'm so confused. please, you have done enough damage.

I am your callie and you are my arizona

ps- i really have bad face-memory. and sorry for writing something about me..again..self-obsess.ahahah

Free Love Affair

let me share what Imam Suhaib Webb wrote on his facebook's status

Suhaib Webb : My first teacher (the one pictured on the left), when I would got to study with him would hold up the lesson for 30 minutes asking me about my family. I would get upset- wanting to just get the ilm. One day he turned to me and said, "All of these things I'm asking you about: your family, friends, school and neighbors, ...that is the proof of your knowledge." Then I understood that Ilm=Adab.

(you can check out his website)

when i met someone, i would love to know about his/her family and school. it comes naturally until i read his status. but for friends and neighbors, i'm not so choosy about that. family is something runs in our vein and school is something we work for.
I really want to go to his talk tonight. but yesterday my boss screwed me and i am this close of getting fired.

For once, let me speak....

the obsession towards kristen stewart has made me download all of her movies. so i watched a few already, but the movie "SPEAK" attracts me the most. it is about a 13-year-old girl who stopped talking after being raped by her senior in school. the point is no one really notice about her sudden silence. she hasn't spoke a lot in the movie but she was narrating her life. she was so mentally disturbed by the way she draws and everything.

the best quote of this movie is:

All that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie. No one really cares what you have to say. I wonder how long it would take for anyone to notice if I just stopped talking. - Melinda Sordino [Speak, 2004]

the best scene!!!!

and her crappy friend, who keeps on talking without even asking anything about her. and it is so annoying. i always notice whenever my friends talk to me, they don't really give a damn asking me this question "What about you?" they keep on talking about themselves. and if you ever realized, i don't really talk about myself a lot if you never ask, except to the people i like, which is obviously my family and a few good friends. and if you just realize that you know my stories and secrets, then, you are a very good friend of mine. and sometimes i act like i'm going to tell my story,and if i found out that you're not interested, i'll just keep quiet. and most people don't realize the silence, and that means they don't really care. and i don't give a damn to tell. which is really true, according to Melinda Sordino, no one really cares what you have to say.

in the middle of the story, her crappy friend ditched her.

Heather: This is really awkward. No matter what... no, I don't wanna say that. I mean, we kinda paired up at the beginning of school when I was new and didn't know anyone and that was really really sweet of you. But I think it's time that we both admit to each other that we're just very different people. I mean, I have my modeling and I like to shop...
Melinda Sordino: I like to shop.
Heather: You don't like anything. You're the most depressed person I've ever met. And excuse me for saying this but I think you need professinal help.
Melinda Sordino: So you're blowing me off because I'm a little depressed?
Heather: Once you get through this "life sucks" phase, I'm sure lots of people will wanna be your friend. But for right now, I don't think we should have lunch together.


and this is really bitchy for 13-year-old girl.

and the best part is when Melinda spit it all out!!!


Heather: I *hate* being a Martha. You were *so* right not to join. I mean all I am is their little slave. Ok, it was supposed to be me and Meg and Siobhan decorating the Holiday Inn for prom and now Meg and Siobhan can't do it and I'm totally screwed! Mel, you *have* to help me! They have some sales meeting in there until like three but then they'll let us start and I *know* we can do it!
[Melinda gives a blank stare]
Heather: You are *so* great! I owe you *big* time! What if I help you redecorate your room? I know, a nice seafoam green!
Melinda Sordino: [hesitates] No...
Heather: Ok, or... something *rich* like, like eggplant!
Melinda Sordino: No, I mean, I won't help you.
Heather: But you have to.
Melinda Sordino: No, I don't.
Heather: But why?
Melinda Sordino: [now angry] Because I was nice to you... in the beginning of school... when I didn't even like you. And you blew me blew me off! Because you're a self centered social climber! And you know what? I know what I wanna do to my room and it doesn't involve "eggplant". I think you should go!


and kristen, I love you ever MORE..