Nobody chooses to be a freak. Most people don't realize they're a freak until it's way to late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there's still someone out there for you. Unless of course, they've already moved on. Because when it comes to love, even freaks can't wait forever.
-grey's anatomy season 7 episode 3- superfreak
have you ever felt like you're done waiting?
sunday should be a grieving day for me. as i stated before this, i enjoy the grieving mode. but because my boss is too crappy to let me grieve, so i have to work. instead of working, i woke up at 11 am. so i decided not to work. screw you work. i should enjoy the grieving sunday. i should enjoy the lonesomeness. i should enjoy the undisturbed moment.
so this is what i did
1. i did my laundry (i remember meredith did her laundry during her rare-to-find-off-day)
2 .i cooked. yes i'm not a good cook, i rarely cook. so cooking is a good way to release stress especially for non-cooker because you will concentrate and you used all your senses. touch taste smell sight and ear. (izzie baked a lot when denny died)
3. then i went for shopping. i mean grocery shopping. i think the last time i enjoy grocery shopping is two months ago. it feels much more better than clothes or shoes shopping. (cristina did grocery shopping when she found out that meredith is close to death from drowning)
lately i have lost the sense of taste. everything is tasteless. i lost my appetite. even when eating expensive food i feel nothing.
i cannot sleep at night. i have to swallow strong medication to fall asleep.
i woke up in the middle of night, remembering my undone work, so i switched on my laptop and did my work. it happens more than once.
i have tendency to suicide. or to hurt myself.
i cry a lot lately, until i got the eye infection. bad bad.
the worst part is, i don't know who i should tell my problems. or in other words, i don't trust people anymore to tell problems.
you can say i'm a freak. but i honestly cannot wait for you anymore. so i decided to move on.
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