10 things i hate about you

1.i hate the fact that you like cars and the fact that you don't like football
2.i hate you for messing my place and mind with your dirty rubbish and bad flirting
3.i hate your cigar's smoke and your easily addicted attitude
4.i hate you cause you always know when i'm sick, when i tried so hard to hide it cause i don't like people to know.
5.i hate you for making me an addict and having bad influence on me
6.i hate you for taking advantage of me and treating me sweetly. somehow it feels fake.
7.i hate you for underestimating me and think i'm stupid. i kind of hear it from your heart.
8.i hate you for thinking that i am where i am because of my race and because i am a woman. like i don't have any effort. like i am not worth what i am now. same, kind of hear it from your heart.
9.i hate you for asking a lot of personal question and thinking that i'm different from any other women. and you told me your personal life, and i never ask for that.
10. and mostly i hate you because you are one of those men who thinks women are only worth in kitchen and in bed!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!! I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU AND I AM TOO ANGRY AND FULL WITH HATRED! and that's why i cannot love a man because all men that i met is only full of crap and negative underestimation thinking.

maybe not all men, but just prove me wrong. cause i only met this kind of men

too much Mucho

spice girls sang too much of something is bad enough

then Cheryl Cole sang, too much of anything can make you sick

but how can you quantify too much? how much is too much?

is it when someone calls you every one hour.
or someone comes and sees you every 2 hours.
or someone left her things around you.
or when someone left her clothes around your body.
or when someone drives your car. even worse drive you crazy.
or when someone sleeps beside you everyday.
or when someone just stare at you.
or when someone talks too much.
when someone appears too much in your dreams.
or when you need to meet someone 6days a week.
or when someone is good enough or smart enough to make you don't want to move on even though you know that it is wrong.

but how can i quantify you as too much in my life?

if i have this someone kind of person, i will get rid of her. i just don't like the idea of "too much"

and everytime you go, it hurts me so

why people make saying goodbye a grand thing. goodbye should be something that you want to avoid. but sometimes, goodbye hurts you, but it makes other people in a better position.

and everyday goodbye is also painful. what if that is the last goodbye. i hate saying goodbye. waving hands. i feel awkward in between of this situation. hugs and kisses.

saying goodbye to family everytime i have to leave them. what's hiding behind this cold face, only god knows.

and i hate the fact, that someone called me, just to say she's leaving. or someone come to me, said she's leaving. you know, the kind of everyday goodbye. just to inform you that i'm leaving you right now.

and when she came sit next to me, and telling me, i'm leaving right now. but still, she sat there. waiting for me to say anything. to respond in a warm way. then i just say, OK. cold. smile a little bit and then pretending to continue what i was doing in a peaceful way, but deep down in my heart, i was really pissed off she had to go, everytime. i miss that moment. are we going to have the same moment, again?


"You know, I can't remember the last time we kissed. Cause you never think the last time is the last time, you think there'll be more. You think you have forever but you don't." - Meredith Grey

walk on by

If you have a feeling, and the feeling is going nowhere, just let the feeling pass by. Just wait. It will pass eventually. It might be painful, but it will pass. Just wait

have you ever?

Have you ever been so close to someone until you can taste their smell and scent on your clothes?

car conversation

i am a very passionate person, and enthusiastic. but somehow, i just cannot express it by words and facial expression.

i am a little bit passionate when talking about football, but somehow play it safe cause i don't know that much. i am only expressive with my family and very very close friends. with crushes. hypocrites terus! i just stood there like stones. yes. no. smile.

i was with my friend and he started talking about his religion. he said that (what i understand) he don't really agree with some of his religion practice. then he asked me about jumaat prayer, and daily prayer. he thought only men go to prayer. then he said that he saw in cinema muslim women pray with white cloth and everything. then he started saying that he doesn't like some muslims who openly don't pray and fast. but he cannot do anything because none of his business. he also said that (mentioning name) is asking for bribery, but what's the point of praying. i didn't say it directly but somehow my words make us understand that he didn't even pray.

and he said that people went for hajj don't even fast. i started to explain so enthusiastically, i think he even notice my enthusiasm. thank god im not driving. then he teased me in the middle of explanation, trying to say im talking about someone we know. (actually he likes to tease me but i'm always acting cool/cold) but this time because i am too excited talking about it, i am so pissed off i hit him. really. and he was so entertained by that. that was so spontaneous which is not me. so we continue again but our conversation was interrupted when we reached our destination. i really want to ask him to come to the sunday class. really. huhu. but i don't think he will

owh mandy, mend me

my life is already dark. very dark. my thoughts are dark. my heart is dark from all my sins. my blog background is dark. my skin is getting darker from working under hot sun. and now, the light bulb in my room just burn out. and it is getting so dark in here.

looking at the positive side, i started to open up my window and door. i don't like to open my window and door. i like to lock myself up, really. my housemate barely see me. so i open up my window during day to let the sunlight in. i guess that goes the song sunshine through my window whatever ever. then at night, i open up my door to get the light from living rooms and kitchen. hi housemates! you know it means literary and non-literary.

you are getting used with the light, and when the darkness came, you don't let yourselves stay in it. find other options. sometimes the options are better. like in this case i can get more vitamin D with sunshine and i get to see people, more. grow up and be positive! ok scary.

but i really cannot read in the dark, and my eyes are hurt, and it causes head aches. ok. stop complaining. life is too short to complain.

well i said i got a feeling, maybe the grass looks greener and the food tastes better (WTF?). seriously, and i met someone i want to meet when i looked at the pic for the first time. they look slightly alike. and really, i got a feeling yesterday that i'm going to meet someone. didn't you read my last post. i am a psychic, or psycho. haaaa

a lazy working saturday

lack of manpower, is exhausting
multitasking, is exhausting
having a non-compromise boss, is exhausting
having stomach cramp, is exhausting
not able to pray, is exhausting
oily face and sweaty body, is exhausting
have to walk for miles everyday during this time of month, is exhausting
backache, is exhausting
don't have time (or money) to eat (but have time to blog??), is exhausting
not able to whine and complain (except blogging), is exhausting
having a friend who does not want to accept a friend request, is exhausting (kantoi plak tu)
and hating you is the most exhausting. your smile and your sunshine personality, seriously exhausting. assuming that you just faking it to get through the day, is more exhausting.

so, after work, go home, watch good dramas. and sleep. tomorrow morning will go to somewhere over the rainbow. i got a feeling. well.

ps - even when i have a lot of work, when people ask, i will say that - not much work. cause i don't like to complain like a baby. but here in my blog, kasihan readers, have to read all the whining things. i get annoyed with myself too.

Nothing, Just Another Sad Ending

i used to like big brown eyes nino.
the wide smile which makes the eyes smaller don't count.
the dark stare is much more than that.
the sunshine just cannot get through my brain.
somehow, behind those wide smiles, i see sad eyes.

i see it in others before. and my judgment could be true.
but when you sit there, all your spine and back bones lay restlessly on the chair.
staring at me with sad eyes which getting smaller when you laugh.
trying to make me grin and feel uncomfortable.
i hate it when you do those jokes, but i feel empty when you stop doing that things you do.

it is some kind of entertainment for people who is lifeless. keep haunting keep haunting with your sad eyes. keep judging keep judging with sunshineless mind.

in my dream, will you give your love to me?
beg my broken heart to beat
save my life, change my mind!
- evanescensce