you are just the wrong exception

Say Goodbye - Katharine McPhee

If I seem distant
Baby I am
Words are like scissors
In your hands
And there's no script to follow
So I just close my eyes

That way it won't hurt so much
When we say goodbye

I feel like just like an actress
Up on the stage
I can't believe
What I'm hearing myself say
And the porch light is my spotlight
So I play along with this lie

That way it won't hurt so much
When we say goodbye

Did you ever love me?
Does it even matter?
Did you even notice
The whole world shatter?

I just wanna hold you
and tell you that I'm sorry
But I just keep it all inside

That way it won't hurt so much
When we say goodbye

My heart feels like a circus
it's too much to take in
It's hard to lose a love
But you were my best friend
So  I walk this highwire
Alone tonight

That way it won't hurt so much
When we say goodbye
That way it won't hurt so much
When we say goodbye



p/s- saying goodbye might be the best for everyone else
except for me.
sorry if i hurt you intendedly and keeping the distance.
so i pretend that i hate you, and feeling numb.
that way it won't hurt so bad when we say goodbye.

dreaming my Real world away :)

if my life was made a movie, who would act as us.

i don't think jessica alba is my type of person (nak hot jugak)

and absolutely it will be krisbian, the awkwardly independent woman who is a social freak. (PLEASE NO ROB PAT!)

and my elder sister will be played by emma watson, the overly ambitious woman. men was attracted by her look, but no man is tough enough to fit her determination. bossy. hahahaha

my younger sister will be played by ellen page, smart but rude. looks tough outside, but of course cannot live without mama. HAHAHAHAHA

my brother will be played by that harry potter dude. HAHAHAHAHA. (cannot think of other characters that fit him). and don't want to describe his character also

and my parents will be played by.... patrick dempsey and ellen pompeo. what a legend. hahaha

and my gf, i want it to be dakota fanning. cute, adorable, but tough!!

sorry no hero here. but my life is not interesting at all, so only the 6 of us will be watching it. HAHAHAHAHA. (but people will be rushing to cinema to watch the actresses. lol)

never ever after

i don't play hard to get.
i am really hard to get.
no, you cannot get me at all.
so don't try to shake me ever.

what a start for 2011

Izzie: It's just you think, you think you know someone, know who they are. You share a house and make wishes on eyelashes with them and we don't know each other, none of us. We're just a bunch of interns who work together. There's nothing there.

so i made some kind of confession tonight. to someone so close to me. i think the closest person ever. my person. we share bed from day one. she knew me for 23 years. when i made the confession, she said that. "it's good to know you are weak and vulnerable"

i am really that independent and hardcore. but sometimes it hurts to be different.

last week i told her i feel like crying but i can't. try to watch grey's from season 1 to 2, still can't. until season 3, i stopped cause there was bright and shiny meredith.

but this week i cry all the time. usually when i'm alone. at work, at home, while driving, during lecture (trying hard to hold the tears in a room full of people). and mostly, during prayer. and God is my only hope right now.

if you only knew

you said there is something wrong with me.

you asked me,

what happened to you?

if you only knew..

YOU HAPPENED TO ME.

you came into my life.
pretending that we have hope.
we have something.
i am cold-blooded,
until you break the ice-cold blood,
and i could feel myself bleeding.

you said you want the best for me,
but when there is a better person,
you don't want to let me go.
you created the virtual world,
so we could stay in denial,
but you are happy in either world.

i tried to hate you,
avoid you,
you realized i've changed.
you asked me,
what happend to me.
YOU HAPPENED TO ME.

Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
-anna nalick

i don't want to pretend that we have hope, like you always pretend. let me live in my own coffin of hope.

DENNY: "Izzie... I'm gonna be alright. Alright. You don't have to worry."
IZZIE: "What about me? What about me when you go into the light?"
DENNY: "Izzie-"
IZZIE: "No! I get it, okay? I get it! You'll be okay, you'll be fine, but what about me?! Don't do it for yourself, do it for me! Please? Please, Denny! Please do this for me! Because if you die... Oh, God! You have to do this! You have to do this for me, or I'll never be able to forgive you!"
DENNY: "For dying?"
IZZIE: "No! For making me love you!
-grey's anatomy

the question is, why did you created the world of only two of us, when you don't want to be in it? now i am trying so freaking hard to get out of that world.

Contigo En La Distancia

it is hard for the scientist to invent one-way radio. but it is harder to upgrade it to two-way radio. people response to each other. and that is the real world. we hear, we listen, we talk, then they response, and the communication goes on.

after the invention, the process should be simple.
but time differences and the other factors, complicate us.

stormy weather.

sometimes, the other side is waiting for our call, but when the time comes for us to make a call, the line was engaged, no coverage and the worst part, we were brought to the voice mail.

and the different time zone. when you awake, i am asleep. vice versa.

Arizona: I am so deeply, deeply, deeply sorry for hurting you so much. I am so sorry because I'm so in love with you, and I will spend the rest of my life telling you that. I'll apologize to you every day if that's what you need, but, please, please don't walk away again. I came across the world to be with you. I love you. Please.

Callie: You had to fly across the world to get to me Arizona because you flew a whole world away without ever looking back. You just left. And this might be news to you — no, I think it kinda is — but you're not the only one in this relationship. There are two of us, and you came back today but I didn't.



p/s- Contigo en la distancia - with you in the distance.

straight up

"I'm out of my element here, I break bones for a living, I used to live in the basement, most days I wear last night's eyeliner to work, and I don't give a crap about what other people think of me. Because I am a happily independent and successful woman and I like it that way, only when you say stuff like this, it just makes things too hard. So please, don't chase me anymore, unless you're ready to catch me." - Callie Torres to George O'Malley, somewhere in Season 3

i like callie even before she was confused. even before she's gay. she is the i-dont-really-care chick. i don't care if i like the weaker kid or the intern or the younger guy cause i am strong either way. that's why i like her. then she turned gay.

but callie, seriously?mcsteamy again? straight up!

and her name got TORRES in it. it's like a bonus. spanish is hot. boys or girls!

what hurt the most

usually, girls with get obsessed with everything, especially with the boys, specifically, celebs. so they come out with all kind of phrase, new vocabs. bieber fever lah, robsessed lah. that's all i know. i'm not that big fan of hollywood or E-news gossip.

but i found out something about someone. have you ever heard of KRISBIAN. the is the name given to the girls who will go gay for kristen stewart only. she was adored mostly by girls and lesbians. she is that hot. i guess maybe most of them like her that way after watching the runaways. and most of girls hate/envy her after twilight for having robert,seriously? i envy robert more. but watch her other movies, speak, cake eater, adventureland, yellow handkerchief... despite her awkwardness and shy personality, she can act really good.

rumor has it that kristen is a lesbian. because she tried to keep her relationship with robert private, and because she didn't kiss robert during the best kiss award winning. i don't know but it doesn't make you a lesbian if you want to keep your love life private.

apparently, most of the girls i like, was accused being lesbian. kelly clarkson too. she is hot and comfortable being single, doesn't make her a lesbian.

and most people think i am a lesbian too.
maybe because i don't go crazy over boys.
maybe i adore girls too much but can't you see i adore the strong and independent one.
maybe because i appreciate women,
maybe because i am single,
maybe because i chat, smile and laugh a lot when i was with the girls. and i look so depress with the boys.
maybe because i try to dress up when i'm out with girlfriends rather than boyfriends.
maybe i keep rejecting dating invitation from boys (bajet hot kot)
maybe because i don't flirt around back with boys. (bajet hot lagi yer disini)
maybe because i flirt with girls!
maybe i have a lot of very close guy friends that i don't have any feeling, seriously.
maybe mostly because i think most boys are crap, and not worth to have a relationship with, and even worse not worth to be straight for.
define me, lesbian or not.
wait. now i'm also confuse. hahahaha