moving into acceptance

dimana dia
anak kambing saya
berwarna hitam
taringnya tajam

dimana dia
cinta hati saya
bermata merah
suka makan darah

from the bottom of my bitter brain

how great is love when it becomes your beautiful disaster?

if you ever listen to kelly clarkson's beautiful disaster, i used to wonder what is this song is all about..

then i found somewhere on her website. the songwriter, fell in love with an addict. she loves him too much, she can't let him go. even when she knew it will destroy her life and future. cause it is not easy to mend an addict.

so is love is that great. what if, it is not your boyfriend in that situation. your friend, even worse, your family. how strong can you handle them?

love is not worth the pain, men are not that great for us to hang on to. women nowadays, can stand by themselves. sometimes, we feel lonely. but hey, we have satellite and technology to feel the emptiness. and the most import thing is, we have our own religion to believe to, rather than believing in fairy tale. waiting to be saved by prince fucking annoyingly charming. fairy tales that were made by men so we can wait for them and adore them all the way.

the truth is, after marriage, the women will get fat because they have to produce the baby for the men. and the husband just lost interest. still want to walk around feeling like a single men, flirting with other women. the wife, on the other hand, keep talking about their husband. very adorable. i cook this for my hubby last night. my husband bought me kepok lekor last night. blah blah boring. what is your husband doing now?cheating on you.

even when whatever so called love is gone, (or lust perhaps) the couple still stay with each other, because of the kids, because that what you supposed to do. till death do us part. so women, in order to fulfill the vow,if your husband ever cheated on you, kill him. then said "i didnt mean to kill him. it's the vow. i will be damned if i dont kill him"

let them die, extinct. so we could live happily together. never to get hurt.

back to the topic. i guess that guy in that song is not that great. but the way kelly sing it. ohh he must be very attractively beautiful. score for kelly. guys still suck!

good bye. see you in another bitterness morning.

this is not about you..

i was running,
away from reality and life.
praying for the best.
though it is not what make myself happy.

i am pushing myself hard.
trying to lose a heart.
my legs cannot take it.
so i stopped.

so i looked at the west.
i saw something beautiful there.
and i think it was looking my way,
as i was not sure because of the distance.

i dont want to be there guessing,
so i changed my eye sight to north.
i saw something pretty.
but it never looked my way.

90 degree counter clock wise to west.
i saw something gorgeous.
it looked at me with a little bit of smile.
i looked down instead, embarrassed.

so i decided to rotate again.
to south.
i saw nothing.
so i decided to just stay that direction.