kisah hati siapa?

i went and rereading my blog.

i found out that lately, i wrote more about other people than myself.

and a few months ago, i was so depress, my posts sounded so suicidal. i feel sorry for myself. and for the readers.

i guess i am healthier. not-so-healthy. it's like the chemo session is a little bit of success. but the patient is going to die anyway.

last month, i was told that a new colleague is coming, and she's going to be my roommate. and because the rooms is fulled, and i am in the master bedroom, so i (with no other choice) have to offer her to be my roommate. - heavy-hearted

she brought her furniture. complete set. complete us. we hang out at the living room more. watching tv together.

then. just now. she has to move to other site. giving me back my freedom and privacy. i can lock back my empty room. and i have to admit, a few days forwards, loneliness will be sharing bed with me. back.

she is one-cool-woman. 35years old. unmarried. independent. and always happy,bubbly and funny. i always teased her and make her mockingly angry.

i wonder why men don't fight for great women like her. have men became stupider? perhaps?

as you dance in the train

i think i have a very weird taste
and they said it is a waste

and the language
and the age

the mumbling
the gambling
the morning greet
the unexpected meet

the water keeps pouring from the shower
the kids keep waving from the tower
and i keep expanding my cover
however

i lost for words
i lost in the woods

how i wish good thing will stay
how i wish forever is real

good dreams dance in the nightmares
reality sucks like the dress i wear

i just missed the train
again

kau begitu sampurna

he shows you how to grieve, mourn

but they taught me to be happy in whatever condition
it's ok to never be noticed
to be thankful

gratitude

it's okay to be happy over little thing

to whine sometimes without making it a big deal anyway

i feel the perfection,
with holes and flaws
here and there

listen to happy life love songs
and smile as if it is real

for the people who left you without notice
stop thinking
be ignorance
appreciate the person besides you

someone you never notice
cause they are beside you
always, waiting patiently
waiting the right moment to speak
as you are looking at the different direction

as they got the chance.
weather was the subject
and the water
and the back bone problems

even if they are not real

something left me with nothing

she was born twisted
and left broken-hearted

and she met these bunch of people
who, so much less fortunate than she was, and is
life is more than the gamble
still they stay humble

they work hard for money
at the end of the day they could still rest their tired body on wood
they could still laugh and smile
money shortage is just a problem
pain is the simple compromise
people what matters

they are not suppose to be happy
with holes here and there
but they were granted with gratitude
which not all people could have it

he is my soldier

he walks tip-toeing
he sleeps less lately
he could only think of what is waiting at his hometown
how his mom asked him to marry her
all this while he doesn't care about who's marrying who
but just lately.
just lately
so cliche
so typical
he met someone-different*
though it's different everytime
we have to admit

i could see
he shines a little bit more lately
the way he speaks her name
the way he calls her
in a very rhythmic way

she knew it
all she can do is, give him the pleasure before he marry someone he doesn't even know
she knew how does it feels to be rejected
and loveless
so both of them are just enjoying the moment
how they met
how they will be away from each other

all this while he could fall in love.
why now he has to meet someone?

and she
she sings about someone who is falling for her,
rather than someone she is falling for.

misguided ghost

he is someone who sit at the roof top. and stare
he is someone who is hiding underneath his hat
he is someone who walks very slow and tired
he is someone who doesn't choose to be famous
he is someone who pretends not to care, but ask about you when you are not around
he is someone who will go back to his hometown after so many heartbreaks
he is someone who doesn't talk a lot
he is someone who at the sweetest when he let his rarely smile out
he is someone who hides facing the wall
he is someone who talks when needed
he is someone who says hi when nobody is looking
he is someone i don't intentionally looking for
he resembles me
but still i could not like him
i could not like myself either

please please me

someone that is so real you cannot even stalk
someone who makes you trip when you walk

someone so scared to be your friend.
to mend

someone who just stare
and you think it's unfair

someone who makes you feel like a developing straight woman
the pirated version of woman
but so afraid to develop himself
like dusty trophy on shelves

someone you want him to stay
but you're not strong enough to say
you make him feel stray
when you think that you may

someone with beard
then you think it's weird

how temporary things passed by
without even saying hi
someone you think you will never able to say goodbye
when your feelings are high

it is just a story
against all the worry
that you will never regret not to share
cause they don't even care