something is missing

i miss reading good blogs.
some people stop updating blogs.
some rarely updating.
some make it private.
some delete it.

so what's left for me to read good writings

only left

a like 15-year-old kid talking about how cute his boyfriend is..
everytime to look at him is like the first time falling in love
where did you have your first kills (kiss)
eh, see for a few months, are you two still together.
or see for a few years, you're going to throw up everytime you look at him

yes, i did miss her
someone to talk to
is she still alive?

remember me this way

remember that night,
where we laid lazy together,
facing moon
and you said the moon looks sad, exactly like me.

and i told you
my darkest secret i've been holding on for years.
then together we buried the secret underground.
you said it was the sweetest night
but all i want to do is forgetting you and the night.

i dont know whether to hate you or miss you

bittersweet addiction

everytime i drink white coffee, i will throw up
i dont know whats the cause
but i know i have gastric problem and coffee is such a no-no
but i need coffee in order to stay awake and energetic

so my coffee was out of stock
i went a few days without it
i cannot stay awake in the morning at all
i fell asleep at the inappropriate places
the taste of the coffee lingers on my tongue

so i bought the new stock
i drank and throw up, over and over again
my friend said to find replacement, the milder one.
but i can't
it's 2 am in the morning now.
i wonder should i drink coffee or not for the next morning

choose
Vomit vs Sleepy

stress out

i miss you coffee

always there

i lost with a human
i drown in a world
i listen to a devil
i ignore The Only Love

please forgive me, the only love
i am weak, fragile and nothing without you
i want you to always beside me
lead me through this ordinary world
embrace me through loneliness
warm me up through the cold
cool me when i get burn

the only love, please forgive me
there is no other Love than you
you are the brightest, greatest and only love
please caught me with your Love Forever

i hate me

i dont know.maybe i will always be the black sheep in every society.
she is the smarter. the more beautiful. the more in everything.
well-rounded.
according to her.

and i am the ugly and desperate. according to her.

i dont deserve anything better. i remember when she said i deserve the worse. and all her words keep growing in me all these years. even on paper obviously i am much smarter. she is still the smartest. the most perfect.

according to her.

Untuk Terakhir Kali

after too much chasing and laughing
it's time to let go
face the truth
thanks for finally let me go
though it's hard for me and you
cause i finally found someone who i can cry to
a shoulder to lean on
a best friend
someone to talk to
to waste time with
to look forward for another day
to wake me up every morning
to kiss goodnight before i sleep
to dream about
to be in love without so much effort
someone who melts my ego down

i will always love you the realer

anything is better than to be alone

i was made insecure
even by the closest people of my life
whenever a guy wants to get near me
people will say that he must be chasing for something else
even my mom said so
so what's the point of believing anymore
being optimistic is hopeless kind of crap
i was reminded everytime, they will only love the chase
my money
and in the end
i was reminded that, i am not capable of being loved

even when i was little,
i was given the littlest attention among my sisters and brother
as i was growing up, i was left in the corner of room
so i found my comfort zone there
where noone was looking

sometimes, it gets so lonely and aching to hide in the closet.
but to face the truth, that noone will ever save you.
some people were born with beauty, fame, money,
they can get whatever they can
so for them to meet someone like me, they will wonder why i chose this path
a path that is going nowhere.
sometimes, some people are given only one path
no choice
like the fortunate one
why cant they understand

i was made insecure
now im totally lost

if we could make the time as our own

so said you...

m:why haven't we met earlier.
w:when?
m:when i was 21.
w:i was 11 then.
m:i hope we met when i was 21 and you were 18
w:i'm having my dinner. i hope you are here.
m:just call my name, i could taste your food too. there is too many damn obstacles for us to meet.
w:if we never meet again, i will meet you in heaven.
m:i will make sure, we will definitely meet again

the next day, w died in an accident. ironic? i missed m.


on the other hand.

i wonder he is ever tired of saying i love you without the expected reply
i feel so screwed. he needs to be saved. but things could get worse if i save him with hopeful medication. and he is 3 years younger than me. i need something grown!