emotional enough

Lexie Grey: 
I love you. I am so in love with you, and you’re in me: it’s like you’re a disease, and it’s like I’m infected by Mark Sloan and I can’t think about anything or anybody. And I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe, I can’t eat… and I love you. I love you all the time. It’s every minute of every day. I love you.

a few days later...(or weeks)

Lexie: Mark, I'm dying. I am. Tell Meredith that I love her and that she was a good sister and please tell my dad ...
Mark: You're not dying. You're going to be fine.
Lexie: Hold my hand.
Mark: I'm not holding your hand because you're not dying.
Lexie: Hold my hand.
Mark: No, you're not dying. Do you hear me? You don't die today!

Mark tries again to move the plane debris and when he can't he lies on the ground and holds Lexie's hand 'til the end.

Mark: I love you.
Lexie: You don't have to say it just because ...
Mark: No, I love you. I've always been in love with you. I will always be in love with you. I love you which is why you have to stay alive. We're going to get married and you're going to be an amazing surgeon and we're going to have two or three kids.

Lexie begins to gasp for air.

Lexie: So, Sofia can have siblings?
Mark: Yeah, a sister and two brothers.
Lexie: That's nice.
Mark: We're going to have the best life Lex, you and me. We're going to be so happy so you can't die, ok? You can't die because we're supposed to end up together. We're meant to be.
Lexie: Meant to be...

And with that final sentiment, Lexie dies.

RIP Dr. Lexie Grey. May 10, 2007- May 17, 2012.
- taking from after ellen

RUN

Recently, I feel like living in a prison, full of stressful people living without gratitude. And one of them is me. So I just wanna have a nice friend. And my housemate is being an asshole everytime she had a fight with his boyfriend. Which is inappropriate as she always claims me as her best friend.

I just want to run away from this prison of people. So  I called my friend in kuantan and she is working during the weekend. Where else could I go. So last night I was excitedly watching football and spain won 4 0. Im happy for torres though.  Since him, i never get obsessed with anyone else, he is my only obsession. And seeing him like that I guess it is really over. I moved on. Im happy for him without any other crush but it might be cesc fabregas that my eyes has caught. (hehehehe)

Can I write about other thing first. Ok. U don’t have other choice but to read. While I was watching football last night, I was wanting to see the goalkeeper, my first Spanish crush (blushing) but I don’t want to. Seeing him means trouble. So it is kind of the love hate relationship. Its like you’re liking someone in your team/workplace who is not a good thing if you are seeing him. Like a boss who like to fire people. Ok. Continue.

So I slept after subuh, planning to sleep a long good sleep until forever. I was waken up by a phone call by my housemate’s bf who used to be my bestfriend, which she didn’t know or else she will kill me with her possessive blade. Its 10am. He asked me to take care of her and buy breakfast lunch etc etc. so I planned to cook for her. I texted her. Im going to blah blah blah, then she just  went out to buy herself breakfast.

So I was crying and emoly texted her bf, and her bf didn’t replied. I have nowhere to go and all I want is to meet my family (8hours drive) or my ex roomie (6hours drive). Then I called my bro, (with crying voice) and I asked him what is he doing Im bored. He asked me to come over (2 hours drive to the north) I said do u have any other girl friends I can sleep over. He suggested his married friend and I don’t want, I asked him to search for homestay. And he immediately did. And meeting my demands. I know its hard for him. So tonight we are going another 2 hours north. Shopping time.

(No internet, im writing this first in words)

Xoxo

p/s next time I should bring my guitar here.

24 hours later. I reached this stressful town. But let me tell you what happen for the last 24 hours. Around 9pm we shoot to the north with two of my bro’s friends.new friends but nice. And we reached there at 11pm++. Going around for 2 hours, nothing interests me. So we head back and reach my homestay at 4am. I slept until 9am, then I just lazing around my gadgets. Watching himym,playing games.. at 11++ I went for branch with my bro, then I asked him to look around his town, n I found all the things I wanted to buy!, after zohor I shoot back to this stressful town. I stopped at a few beaches to take some photograph and freeing the mind..

The beauty of being alone is you can stop whenever and wherever you want. You have the freedom. What I get is, you don’t let other people stop you from what you what to do. My asshole friend (as stated above) always promise me to go everywhere but everytime she will cancel it at the very last minute. So what the fuck I left her alone. And that selfish bitch always claims that she care for me but never show it. So what the fuck go to hell alone. With your deserved boyfriend.

Im happy. Thanks bro. thanks for being there for me. Or let me run to you.

death and all his friends

i once told myself. if you can make it here,you can make it anywhere. and here has turned into there.still i cannot make it anywhere.everywhere is tough.and death is not a solution

good cholesterol

a bad memory can turns into a good one. a few years later, you will laugh over it.

but a real bad one, you just denied it even happened to your life.