rindu

dalam hati ku panggil namamu
semoga saja kau dgr dan merasakan

art of B

and i keep pushing everyone away
because i want to make believe i am strong here all by myself
so i push. hard. away. good
but they keep coming.
what if i stopped pushing? everything will fall to pieces,out of places.

i make believe that everyone is evil and it feels good.

Running away

i was running for 4km yesterday and 5km today. hoping to increase to 6km tomorrow

i/ we (my friends and i) have been running for 3 weeks today. though i am the slowest and weakest, but it feels so good.

it's like you are running towards something, you have a target in life. you have someone with so many rewards waiting at the finishing line. the truth is noone is waiting but it feels good

though you feel like you are running towards something, but the bitter truth is, you are running away from something
running away from the office politics
from job insecurities
crazy bosses and seniors
crappy workloads
no-knowledge gain in current position
running away from debts
running away from financial insecurities
from the crazy high pricing things
running away from the crazy feeling of missing home
from missing the old mother who never forgets to text you everyday
from missing the cute little nephew who you are afraid might forget you
from missing the little brother who is no longer little but still uncertain about the future
from missing little sister who is having a little too much fun at the young age
from missing the father and his excessive love towards the world
and from missing big sister who is already happily with her little family
from the crazy family illness ups and downs
running away from the scary little future
the uncertain future
wondering if you are still able to stick in it
even after two years you are strongly in it
and YES, mostly i was running away from the future.
and from the thought that you might not be in it to walk this crazy world of mine.
but i guess, i already lost you and part of my future.
and the gloomy future in front of me, i dont know whether i was running towards it or running away from it

if only we could turn back our time

Mi Manchi

Mi manchi
I miss you
Quando il sole da la mano all'orizzonte
When the sun touches the horizon
Quando il buio spegne il chiasso della gente
When darkness covers the sounds of the people,
La stanchezza addosso che non va più via
The listlessness no longer goes away
Come l'ombra di qualcosa ancora mia.
Like the shadow of something that's still mine

Mi manchi
I miss you 
Nei tuoi sguardi
In your look
E in quell sorriso un pò incosciente
In that thoughtless smile


Nelle scuse di quei tuoi probabilmente
In those excuses of yours,
Sei quell nodo in gola che non scende giù
You're the lump in my throat that doesn't go away
E tu e tu
It's you, it's you

Mi manchi mi manchi
I miss you, I miss you
Posso far finta di star bene ma mi manchi
I can pretend to be okay but I miss you
Ora capisco che vuol dire
Now I know what I need to say
Averti accanto prima di dormire
To have you near before going to sleep
Mentre cammino a piedi nudi
While I stand undisguised
dentro l'anima
within my soul

Mi manchi e potrei
I miss you and I could
Cercarmi un'altra donna
find another woman
ma m'ingannerci
but I'd be cheating myself
Sei il mio rimorso senza fine
You're my regret without an end and
Il freddo delle mie mattine
The chill of my mornings,
Quando mi guardo intorno
When I look inside myself
E sento che mi manchi
And know that I miss you.

Ora che io posso darti un pò di più

Now that I can give you a little more
E tu e tu

It's you, it's you

Mi manchi e potrei
I miss you and I could
Cercarmi un'altra donna
have another woman
ma m'ingannerci
but I'd only be cheating myself,
Sei il mio rimorso senza fine
You're my regret without an end and
Il freddo delle mie mattine
The chill of my mornings,
Quando mi guardo intorno
When I look inside myself
E sento che mi manchi
And know that I miss you.

perfect, almost

i have this strange feeling..

when hope is a dead ghost

something to be thankful

i am not pretty, not even close to cute
and i dont get special treatment because of my look

but there is something called love living in my breathing space
i have this crazy annoying emo family who loves me
and maybe we dont show but living too far from them sometimes they feel like strangers to me
but something runs through their blood and my blood
just inseparable

and living in this strange town, where i dont know anyone.
i found my friends. my dream friends. my-kind of greys anatomy-friends
my fairy tales friends who i thought i will never met
who i thought will only living in drama-series.
who took care of me when i was sick
who listens to my whining and insecurities
who were still my friends when im broke when i dont have anyone or anything
who offer me money
who i cannot hate, when i could possibly hate everyone
who are funny, as crazy as me, and the level of craziness is more than the craziest people i ever met

and even i sometimes were broke, i still manage to go to the most beautiful place, where i could see the autumn leaves.
i always love the spring season where there are flowers everywhere but i could not believe i could love the 180 degree season split from the spring. the falling leaves were so amazing
and i touched snow. when it is not supposed to snow yet, the snow were falling so gracefully covering the already cold earth

then i know i was loved by God. something so beautiful revolves around you and if you dont close your eyes and enjoy it, it wont come around anymore. even with your eyes wide open

Hope is a crazy thing. unsure, but let just enjoy this moment. moment when you still survive through all those heartbreaks. moment you still breathing despite all the physical pains you have experience.

Moment of Unseen Love

DIGAME - tell me so

i feel sick all the time. and suddenly.

i am still that sick little person.

you dont have to worry, i am still bitter.
but i feel a little bit loved.

i'm running out of money. im running out of food in my fridge,

i just know that you will be there when you wont.

when you said that you love me i want to believe it but i cant. and it came out at all the wrong timing to say it back and i am so screwed right now.